A business lesson from the lady at the deli.
I had an unexpected lesson in how to conduct business yesterday that I thought I'd share with you. It taught me that it pays to be patient, both as a customer and as a vendor.
I went to the grocery store to pick up some candy for my daughter, and decided to drop by the deli and get a quick bite myself since I hadn't eaten dinner. Normally there are two people working in the deli, but today there was only one. She was hidden behind a wall doing dishes, so she couldn't see me.
So I walked around to an angle where she could see me, and she gave me a rather nasty glare. She looked busy, and wasn't paying me much attention beyond the glare.
Now, I had two options here.
1) Be upset because she was ignoring me and didn't seem to have any desire to do her job at all.
2) Recognize that she was busy come back in a little bit.
To get upset would probably have been perfectly justified. After all, she was the only one working in the deli, and I stood at the counter for a couple of minutes waiting for her. She saw me, and still ignored the fact that I was needing something there. I could complain to her manager and cause an ordeal, insisting that the service at the store should be better than that (which, no doubt, it should).
The other option would be to recognize she was busy, even if she should have stopped what she was doing, and come back in a little bit. This is what I chose to do. Since I had not yet gotten the candy for my daughter, I went and got that and then came back.
Again I walked to where she would be able to see me. When she looked at me, I smiled and pointed toward the food behind the glass, then made my way back over there. Slowly, she washed up and came up to me, still looking annoyed.
To diffuse the situation, I said in a sympathetic tone, "They have you working back here all by yourself?" Her response showed that she was clearly annoyed, not with me, but with her employer.
"Yes they do!" she said.
I told her I was sorry she had to work by herself, and she responded that it wasn't my fault.
That little gesture of understanding completely changed the woman's attitude. She was suddenly friendly, smiling and helpful. As many older women in the southern United States will do when they like somebody, she referred to me as "baby" and "hon". The transaction went smooth, and I left her in a much better mood than I had found her.
Now, I could have caused a fuss and talked to management, but instead I decided to just be nice and understanding and make the best of it. I noticed that she was by herself, which is unusual for that store, and I figured she wasn't happy about having to handle the whole deli on her own. My hunch turned out to be true and the situation turned out fine.
How does this apply to business? In two ways:
First, as a customer, you can try and be understanding of the people you do business with, knowing that they are people, too, and not everything goes perfect for them every day. Doing this is not only the right thing to do (since you'd want people to be understanding of your bad day right?), but it also gets you a lot farther a lot faster.
Who knows how long it would have taken to get what I was needing if I had caused a stink? Besides, I go in that store a lot, and I don't want to have hassles every time I do because I decided to be overly demanding and harsh.
Secondly, as a business owner, you need to be understanding of your customers in the same way. If they approach for support or with questions that are harshly worded, try and think: "What's happened to this person that he's approaching me this way? Is it really me they're upset with, or are they just frustrated?"
That's easier said than done, to be sure, and I've failed at it quite a few times myself. But when I remember to be considerate despite a customer or businessperson's harsh tone, things always go much more smoothly.
I once heard this adage: If, when taking a walk, you bark back at every dog who's barking at you, you'll never make it around the block.
Well business (and life) is that walk, and the way we choose to deal with people will in large part determine how well things go for us, and how much we get accomplished.
Enjoy this article?
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April 6th, 2007 - 10:30
I really enjoyed reading this. The deli story. If everyone had the positives like this and wiped out
negative thoughts the world would be a much better place. Thankyou
March 28th, 2007 - 00:13
Hi Jonathan,
I love that story because as an over the road truck driver, I have come to the same conclusion.
Many people don’t realize what we go through as truck drivers and what we have to deal with even when it comes to other truck drivers.
One day I was picking up a load of potatoes in Idaho that were going to Ft Wayne, In. The machine that moved the potatoes to the loading area broke down and tempers were getting hot. One driver in particular was getting extremely angry and started to harass the dock foreman.
I pulled the driver aside and said, “If you keep doing this, you will end up being the last one loaded and the last one to leave. There isn’t anything any of us can do to make the machine work, so why don’t you just go into your sleeper and when you feel your truck start to move around, you’ll know that the machine is fixed and you can come back in”.
The driver still wasn’t very happy, but neither were the rest of us, but he did go into his sleeper and was actually able to get some much-needed sleep.
The dock foreman witnessed what I had done and asked me who I worked for. I told him and he said he was going to call my boss and let him know what kind of driver he has working for him. It didn’t get me a raise, but it did get me a bit of notoriety from my boss.
I have been that way for most of my driving career and sometimes it makes all the difference in the world. If you look at the situation the way Jason did and the way I did with that driver, you can generally make things better before they ever get out of hand.
Unfortunately, I have seen situations that could have been easily settled go bad and people were hurt because those involved failed to be considerate of others.
Great lesson Jason. Keep up the good work.
Tom, Xtruckerwannabe
March 26th, 2007 - 18:04
We can all make a difference to others every day, in small ways.
Regards
Martin
March 20th, 2007 - 00:57
Hi Jonathan, Your point was well made. It was good that you chose to take the positive approach as opposed to a negative one. You demonstrated an outward-reaching quality. A good rule to follow whether dealing with customers, friends or loved ones.
March 19th, 2007 - 15:14
Great story, really shows how the small things can effect everything in ones’ surroundings. Really shows how ones’ personal life and business life can become intertwined.
March 17th, 2007 - 18:25
I do shoppings at supermarket.
Jan
March 16th, 2007 - 00:41
Hey Jon,
I don’t usually write back on many emails like this – but had to say to you, this was a good email! No scratch that… it’s a fantastic email!!! At a guess, more than a few people would have reacted differently to you.
YOUR actions however demonstrated how powerful our responses are and how quickly you can change someone’s energy.
Judging by the responses here – many others have recognised this too.
Have a great day!
March 15th, 2007 - 20:24
Hmmm … I remember being in the lone deli worker’s shoes not too long ago, Jonathan, and I snapped at you for something that was totally not your fault.
Then, as now, you handled the situation very professionally.
Good story.
March 15th, 2007 - 16:52
What a great story Jon,
The bottom line is that we choose our attitudes in any situation. We can either react and potentially inflame a situation, or, we can widen back our viewpoint in compassion and appreciation for the other person’s situation. The two results are very different.
I believe you were a great gift for her as well. Your lack of reaction probably helped her to diffuse her own reaction. What a win-win for you both.
Bravo!
Lorraine
March 15th, 2007 - 10:06
A classic example of “Thoughts are things” as they influence the outcome of a situation or circumstance every time.
It all began with your choice of how to view the circumstance you found yourself in.
PERSPECTIVE
“Whoever angers you, conquers you.”
March 15th, 2007 - 09:47
Hi Jon,
While ya done good kid comes to mind, there are 2 things that snap to mind, being a long time business owner.
First, What if this was your first seperience with that deli? Or had it been any other business… What would have been your impressions? Would you ever return? I tend to be understanding with these things, but that might depend on MY mood as a customer. Lots of other people are also having a bad day and aren’t.
As a business owner we should be mindful of our employees actions and how they affect our business. When we left this woman alone, perhaps had we apologized for this unique situation and leaving it in her capable hands and explained why. Someone was sick or otherwise unavailable and our customers were in her hands for a while and we were counting on her, but knew she could handle it. That sort of approach goes a long way. Customer and emplooyee appreciation.
If only we had a crystal ball…
March 15th, 2007 - 06:16
I suppose you could regard this as taking a positive approach to life.
This is a great philosophy.
I read more and more of these threads for thought on internet marketing sites.
It’s goodness. Goodness is good for us.
Garth
March 15th, 2007 - 05:26
I agree with your approach.
Random acts of kindness go a long way in dealing with people. A smile and a friendly greeting go a long way.
John Howe
March 14th, 2007 - 21:06
Jonathan,
Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. Your approach to the situation, help both the worker and you the customer. I know from my own experience if I am treated well by a customer I will do almost anything for them. And while I am a very patient person, and will listen politely to a customers complaint, especially if I can resolve the situation, I know the customer does not fine the same enthusiasm.
I will think of your story when every I am tempted to complain.
Nick Grimshawe
March 14th, 2007 - 20:46
you know, jon,
for a very young man,
you have wisdom far beyond your years.
i’ve enjoyed every one of your emails & posts.
that is a rare surprise, in my book!
keep it up, boyo. you’re a good person.
March 14th, 2007 - 20:43
Jon,
This story runs parallel with the feelings I’ve had with 7DO.
Seeing you as the person behind the scenes, doing all the dirty work and rightfully having a ‘tude does in fact parallel the $7 Dollar phenomenon.
Not being behind the scene with you, I can imagine your getting some really nasty emails (along with the supporting ones) that have to nag on you.
As one that doesn’t know programming, but wants to understand and apply the technology you share, your patience is appreciated, I’ve submitted my share of support requests.
Instead of being annoyed as in your story, you have shown professionalism to the max.
In the great BIG scheme of things, I’ve learned that to be friendly and give understanding to those behind the “8 Ball” goes a long way. Life’s too short and you only live once… So what’s the use in being upset and P8788′d off all the time.
I live in the tropics and one thing I’ve learned is to take a step back, take a deep breath and have “just a little patience.” You’ll not only live longer, but be happier. “Don worry Mon, just be happy.”
Jon, you’re doing a great job!
March 14th, 2007 - 20:09
Great story Jon
It goes without saying, its not because of you people have a bad day, infinite empathy goes a long way.
To go today the extra mile, is enough to make anyone smile.
Cheers
March 14th, 2007 - 19:45
Hi Jonathan,
Tonight on my way home I am going down this divided highway when a block in front of me this elderly lady in a big old car pulls out and stops in my side of the road to make a left turn onto the other side of the divided highway. The car in front Of me started honking his horn but the lady just sat there till she had no traffic coming toward her to make her left turn.
I started to g upset with the lady because she seemed unconcerned that she was blocking traffic. She just took her time and made her turn.
About the time I started to get upset I look to see where she had come from and she had come out of the driveway for Hospice.
I quickly calmed down and shot up a quick prayer for the lady.
When I got home there was this email from you. Maybe today is the day were to learn to not to judge others but give them the benefit of the doubt and keep our peace.
Thanks for the email
Terry
March 14th, 2007 - 19:45
Lesson well heard
I usually try to be this way, 99.9% of the time but today… whew! The people at the cell phone company just wouldn’t cooperate and…
I lost it!
Thanks for reminding me that I should work that 1% just a little bit more.
Great story.
March 14th, 2007 - 19:29
Very insightful Jonathan – it does pay off to allow a little extra time and courtesy for those who need it. I hope next time I am having a “bad day” someone will treat me as nice.
Lyn
March 14th, 2007 - 19:27
Jonathan,
I got to put this into practice myself. I sent out an email promoting the Write That Report!!! report that also had a link to the $7 Secrets report in it. One of my subscribers bought the wrong report by mistake.
I got an email asking for help just as I was leaving for work. I wanted to be frustrated that she ordered the wrong report, but then I remembered that she’s my customer.
A quick refund and email later and I was off to the office. I just got home and read a lovely note from the customer who graciously followed the correct link and bought the report she had intended.
I now have a new friend.
Customer service is most important when you don’t feel like doing it!
Andrew Seltz
The Go-To Guy!
March 14th, 2007 - 18:53
Hi Jon,
Thanks for that little story, it’s one that I practise. When I see someone snappy or annoyed in similar situation as you described. I try to get them to smile and break the grumpy cycle that they are in. And you know what? nearly always it works. And guess what when I go back to those places and I see the person concerned I am given VIP treat and treated as a friend.
So I my on line business (Isell gamble methods) I get emails that are blunt, rude, complaining that the download didn’t work etc. I never, never retailate, I always am polite and understanding, and guess what? I get more sales from these people.
I watched the movie Called “The Secret”, and you not what the secret is? You attract what you think about. Think great thoughts and you recieve. It has worked for me for over 30 years. I’ll leave you with this quote” You recieve what you think about most”.
Cheers Steve Davidson
West Australia
March 14th, 2007 - 18:14
That was the right thing to do. It’s just the golden rule applied.
I can give a quick story as well. I was standing in line for a flight at Alaska Airlines, I was next in line, but some smarmy, self-important dude cut in front of me. He was talking on his cell phone the whole time he was demanding that he get his Platinum or – whatever- First Class upgrade. Apparently he did not get his first class upgrade, and he stomped off, cursing under his breath.
Well, I steped up to the ticket agent, and she smiled and said “here is that gentleman’s (term used sarcastically, I might add) first class upgrade. It just goes to show you what just some common decency will get you. Conversely, what rudeness often yields as well.
Peace
Denny
March 14th, 2007 - 18:10
Hi Jonathan,
I go out every day and try to make people smile or better still laugh.
well i have always said that it costs nothing to be nice, it gets you places that you would rather be in this world and makes other people happy its worth doing.
If you smile at other people then that makes you feel better, when they smile back at you, you know that your job is done and success is your and who ever smiles with you.
All the best to everybody and keep smiling.
March 14th, 2007 - 18:02
I enjoyed your article, it just brings home the thought that we should all think first before we act (or react), remembering that it could be us who may be in that position.
Good article, helps one to stay on track.
March 14th, 2007 - 17:55
I have lived and worked on 4 continents and have been put in all kinds of situations. Patience (which I have never been naturally good at), a smile and sympathy are worth their weight in gold. You have no idea what it can get you.
I once told a boss I had that I could tell him how to make a million dollars and never spend a dime. He looked at me with surprise and ask, HOW? I told him to say “Thank You” when one of his employees did something for him. Forget that he was paying them, just learn to express appreciation and they would work even harder to do a good job.
He took my advice and one day I was standing beside a man that had worked for him for 25 years. My boss watched in and I handed him some reports I had done and he said, Thank You. The 25 year employee turned quickly in his chair to face me and asked, did just say Thank You to you. I said yes. He answered that in 25 years he had never heard my boss thank anyone for anything. I told him “Times, they were changing.” Courtesy can buy you a fortune and cost nothing but a moment of time. My ? to anyone would be, “how valuable is a moment to you?
March 14th, 2007 - 17:03
What a pleasure to get a ‘friendly’ email among the promotional ones, such a pleasure, I had to leave a comment.
I’ve never known anger to do anything but make a bad situation worse except in very rare cases. Kindness is a great diffuser, understanding the best bonding agent and friendliness makes all our lives a joy. Thanks for a friendly email about kindness and understanding for someone who was feeling very hard done by. I love a good samaritan story, it keeps my faith in the vast range of human nature firmly in the most people are good range. One act of anger can have years of repercussions but so can one act of kindness, the best kind.
March 14th, 2007 - 16:40
Dear Friend ,
This is a message full of knowledge if looked into deeply.
Please keep on doing the noble work you are doing to help internet enterpreneurs .
March 14th, 2007 - 16:22
Well done Jon, kindness and understanding are a signs of a well educated person. You not only saved her job but you made a lasting impression on her that she will remember and will pass it forward to others. You get one AT-A-BOY Jon, Anthony
March 14th, 2007 - 16:20
I’m always on the road and stopping at deli’s and restuarants for a bite to eat. I have come across many different kinds of situations and the one Jon writes about is all too common for me too. The last post by Mark Justice where he said, “Wish is were easier to remember in the heat of things”, well, it use to be hard for me many years back to refrain from lashing out and just giving these rude people what they deserved until I started focusing on what I said and how i said it. The only thing I can say is that when you practice to accomplish a goal for the sake of doing good, it will show in your actions and you won’t have to think about it becuase it will already be ingrained in you. It won’t be perfect, but like I said, practice, practice, practice.
March 14th, 2007 - 15:59
Jon,
It is the “Golden Rule” in action…it takes some thought and some action but the rewards are great.
You were also able to avoid the effects of a dirty word that begins with “SH……” “Should”
That simple word creates many problems for us. We end up “Shoulding” all over ourselves and others. Whenever you hear that word…get prepared for Righteous Indignation to follow from others or ourselves.
Congratulations for not “Shoulding” all over the deli clerk or yourself.
Regards, Jim
March 14th, 2007 - 14:51
Right on Jon, Thanks. Wish it were easier to remember in the heat of things!
Mark
March 14th, 2007 - 14:49
I couldn’t agree with you more Jonathan. I sell eBooks throuhg eBya and have had several people who do not read or understand the instructions that i leave on how to access their eBooks. It’s only through being patent and understanding that I manage to maintain my 100% positive rating on eBay. If I was rude and told everyone of them that they have the product and the instructions on how to access it, or became abusive when they accused me of some scam because they only saw advertising for other products, not the product they had purchased, then I would probably have a rating of about 65% to 70%. Not really a suiatable rating to maintain a steady stream of sales for my ebooks.
I really think it pays to be patient and understanding as you so painly point out in all areas of our lives.
Scott
March 14th, 2007 - 14:36
I agree with the comments saying that the woman at the deli should have behaved differently. Of course she should have.
My point is that I am not in control of her actions, only mine. So I changed my response to improve the situation — regardless of her behavior — and it worked.
March 14th, 2007 - 14:33
You approach diffused a bad mood for the employee and yes that you are to be commended for, however being on the young lady’s mood she should have realized that no matter what her situation you were there to purchase and that contributes to her pay check. Any employee must never allow the customer to feel they are less than the most important person as long as they are face to face. Being in retail forever I have had my share of bad days but never and I can say this confidentally never would the customer known it. The young lady will need to realize this or she will be looking for employment the rest of her life.
Buzz Reed
March 14th, 2007 - 14:30
I lived in Belarus for some months with my wife.
The people seemed very unfriendly especially in the shops. My wife said that this was normal in Minsk. But I persisted in trying to be friendly and 90 per cent of the time it worked! Even with my limited Russian.
I never take attacks seriously. It is only people being afraid. Fear is the natural condition of this World. So the only motivation I ever attribute to others is Fear. Which is perfectly forgiveable as we all share it.
Regards,
Martin
March 14th, 2007 - 14:28
A wise man (my dad – an education teacher) passed to me the following quote when I was quite young:
PATIENCE – Given to all – practiced by few – be one of the few.
March 14th, 2007 - 14:11
Jonathan,
I have yet to have the chance to apply this, but I can foresee the incredible benefits I will reap just from this “lesson”.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Mack
March 14th, 2007 - 14:11
Excellent observation Jonathan.. We all hold the key to how the world unlocks itself on our day!! … my thoughts when I read your post was … if you are not happy with what your doing … change it … if you cant change it … be happy doing it … unfortunately so many people find them-selves doing mundane jobs that probably it would be excellent to some-other person they would find the same job very interesting, but because of the negative mind-set they will not allow them to see any purpose in what they do they end up spending the best part of there lives grumbling about the who’s, what’s, when’s, how’s, if only’s … most people are afraid of change … I see bus drivers, refuge collectors, council workers, shop assistants … all the same kinda jobs dealing with Joe public? … they all with the same kinda attitude problems … let’s hope they see the error of there ways before ill health takes its toll … because its oh so obvious to me … you only get one go in life … as life is not a rehearsal … you only get out … what you put IN.
Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.
Jim Rohn
All my best to you and yours
Phillip Skinner
March 14th, 2007 - 14:11
Howdy from Arizona, Jonathan…
Basically the story exhibits the benefits of living the “Golden Rule”.
My wife and I volunteer as Navigators at Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix. Our purpose in life there is to help the passengers get through the airport as painlessly as possible. We wear lanyards with ID badges and a large yellow button the says “Ask Me” on it. We are also visible due to our provided uniform of Purple (Sport Coats and Golf Shirts). There are about 450 folks doing this job at the airport. We are only required to work one four hour shift per week.
It is amazing, even though we have been doing this for six years or so, how even a comment like, “Have a Great flight”, can bring a smile, and a presumed change in attitude. We have to live that Golden Rule, every time we take our places.
Thanks for your story. And I am sure that the lady thanks you for the route you took in the situation.
Ed
March 14th, 2007 - 13:58
Great story Jonathan.
I agree with the comment about the book ‘How to win friends and influence people’ Dale Carnegie.
It’s quite possibly the best book I’ve ever read. He talks about exactly the same principle. And many others. If I had my way it would be required reading for every single school kid! I know my kids will be reading it in a few years time.
I have bought the book 3 or 4 times and after lending them out, never got them back! I’ve used the principles so many times, especially when I was a salesman. They work like magic. Seriously.
Thanks again Jonathan.
Phil from the UK.
March 14th, 2007 - 13:54
Well put. Kudos, Jonathan,
Charlie
March 14th, 2007 - 13:37
Jonathan,
While I agree that your response to the situation was exceptional I think it is more the exception rather than the rule. This being said it shows we all have a great deal to learn in the lessons of life to become better people and business persons, and you have given us a great example to follow.
March 14th, 2007 - 13:31
As someone who was once a waitress years ago I totally agree with the way you handled yourself.
And thank you.
Kindness goes a long way and you brighten up her world by being understanding. My son once worked for a sandwich shop he quit working for them because the owners treated him like he was something off the bottom of their shoes. (his shop got sold and this was the way the new owners treated him)
As a owner of a website I treat my customers as much as I can the way I want to be treated and tend to go out of my way because of the less than good treatment I have gotten in the place from other web site store owners.
Kindness needs to be shared more and it doesn’t hurt to be a little nicer when you could be mean.
You actions was taking the high road instead of taking it to the store owner which was in your rights to do so. But too many people do that when
if they stopped to think about it, if they been had been in situations like that, how would they want to be treated?
You did the right thing and my son would of wished you were one of his customers.
Thanks for email and keep it up!
Kim Snyder
March 14th, 2007 - 13:30
You know i have started to look at life a little bit differently, and for every negative there will definatly be something possitive to come out of the situation. I look at everybody as if they are wearing a billboard around there neck with the words “Potential Customer” lets face is if you manage to strike up a conversation then you could turn it round into a sale.
March 14th, 2007 - 13:28
Good job Jonathan. I’ve always maintained that if you get upset (either as a customer or business owner), you’re lowering your standards to the person that is more than likely intentionally upsetting you.
It might help if we took a look at the theater arts. Actors put on shows night after night whether they’re in a good or bad mood. On a personal note, I work in television and I’m constantly seeing our on-air talent putting on their smiles when on camera.
Still, I know we’re all human and “life” can get a little hectic at times.
March 14th, 2007 - 13:26
To connect with the people you meet or the customers you serve is truly a gift. Great example of a small gesture changing a mind full of negative thoughts.
March 14th, 2007 - 13:10
That’s a very, very good lesson, Jon. I love seeing how different experiences in every day living can then also be viewed from a business perspective.
{url snipped–sorry, due to spam problems I can’t allow links in comments}
March 14th, 2007 - 13:05
Amen Bro.
Your story AND the comments I have read help me keep a positive attitude about the good in people – even when things don’t always go they way we would like.
March 14th, 2007 - 13:01
Good story.
I make it a point to smile at almost every person I encounter in stores, public transportation etc. They have a hard time being nasty when you’re smiling at them.
BUT, if someone acts really obnoxious to me or says something out of line I will really jump in there and give them the business. I’m sure I would be better off saving my energy for the more important things in life but I take everything too much to heart.
I guess I have what to work on….
March 14th, 2007 - 12:50
WOW, I had a similar incident happen about two weeks ago at three grocery stores in the same day!, I could not believe it. I responded as I usually do (with understanding) and ended up with a different outcome from each store clerk, two positive, one negative. It was real life proof that in daily life matters as well as business “you can’t please everyone all the time, but you can always be pleasing”. Give more of yourself than what’s asked of yourself in business and social life activity and in the end you’ll attract (or convert) more people into friends or (customers).
Power Health,
Dan Przyojski
March 14th, 2007 - 12:36
Wow, what a gem of an article!
It made me think of one thing. Jon, you should carry opportunity cards like Jimmy Brown. You could have easily recruited her to set up a $7 script system!
I’ve started to carry “Talent Scout” cards and anytime I run into someone sharp in retail that impresses me, I try to recruit them to work for me as a part-time offline affiliate.
Thanks for the inspiring reminder Jon!
March 14th, 2007 - 12:32
I couldn’t agree more Jon. You just never know what’s going on in people’s lives to cause them to act the way they do. If you assume the worst you get the worst.
I believe in staying positive in any situation. That way you attract more positive events to you. Just as Jon found out in the Deli.
March 14th, 2007 - 12:27
Reminds me of an old poem:
As you begin your adventure,
on a journey to someplace new
Pack your bags with loving thoughts
ones that comfort you.
The great lesson of life;
the one to make your song,
Is happiness or strife
is what you take along.
Thanks Jonathon for the reminder. Think I’ll head to the deli and make someone’s day.
Gordon Jay Alexander
March 14th, 2007 - 12:18
Very universal lesson in your email and just about applies to all situations involving human interaction and coexistence. It can even save lives on the highway when dealing with aggressive drivers.
Getting angry even if justified, is self defeating since you’d look like a hot head to by-standers and all that churning adrenaline makes you feel worse and your ability to think diminishes. Anger is sometimes the appropriate response for some situations but they are the exception.
I have to agree with Trevor Weir’s comment about barking at dogs. That shot of adrenaline is a real performance boost when jogging!
March 14th, 2007 - 12:18
That’s a very mature attitude from someone as young as you Jonathon. I’ve tried to instill that attitude in my own kids. (All 8 of them).
Had about 30% success rate to date, but hoping it gets better.
Looks like there’s going to be no stopping you.
Good luck, Pete.
March 14th, 2007 - 12:01
Dan:
I’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s book, actually, so it’s not “right out of” that book. This actually happened to me yesterday.
However, it’s not surprising that others have seen the value of this kind of thinking.
March 14th, 2007 - 11:58
Great story by the way, a very wise women once said ( my mother ). One can attract more bees with honey than with salt. That was just her way of saying be nice to people and your’e get better results. Another great quote: Treat people like you would like to be treated. Live by these rules and thing come easier in life.
Juan
March 14th, 2007 - 11:45
I’ve always believed in the kind word and being polite. My theory is you catch more bears with honey.
March 14th, 2007 - 11:40
I believe this is an eye opener for many, including myself.
March 14th, 2007 - 11:32
I had a similar incident. The person behind the deli counter seemed put out when I ordered a sandwich and demonstrated by her actions. I didn’t say anything. Acouple of years later she walks into my house as my sons new girlfriend. I wonder if she is asking herself ” I wonder if he rembers?” lol
March 14th, 2007 - 11:30
Jon,
Well handled:)
You wrote:
“To diffuse the situation, I said in a sympathetic tone, “They have you working back here all by yourself?” Her response showed that she was clearly annoyed, not with me, but with her employer.
“Yes they do!” she said.”
Great article and insights.
To get angry is easy, to understand and see the view from different perspectives is more challenging but ultimately more rewarding for Everybody.
Btw, I enjoy all your articles and the consistency of value you deliver in your products.
Anh Drew Johnson
March 14th, 2007 - 11:25
It is a good story. It is a rephrased story straight out of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends & Influence People”. That is such a great book that everyone should be required to read every month or year. The world would be a much better place if they did.
March 14th, 2007 - 11:25
Dear John,
Your story made me think about how I dealt with a non-paying clinent. I had the choice after 5 months of stalling and empty promises to blow my top or stay cool and collected as I try to reconcile things. As it turned out, I took the path of least resistance after 5 months of frustration and ended up finally speaking my mind. While I am sure this was not the best course of action to take, I couldn’t help it. Afterwards, feeling bad about the possibility that I was a bit rash, I decided that a sweeter approach might solve the problem. As such, our company was sponsoring an event calle “Don’t Come Dystonia Awareness Fundraising Event Dinner” and by simply inviting this slow -paying client out to have a good time while supporting a good cause, caused him to lighten up and pay his bill! It was amazing. And so, I agree. The understanding approach in business gets far better results.
Thanks for your message, Jonathan.
Kind regards,
Genie
March 14th, 2007 - 11:24
Thanks for sharing your personal experience.
Business and life go hand-in-hand. And this incidence reiterates that well. Have a Great Day.
March 14th, 2007 - 11:04
Thanks Jonathan for the great story. I believe you did the right thing all the way. Thank you for the eye opening insight, of stopping and thinking before we throw up all over someone.
Cheers
Brian Gruss
March 14th, 2007 - 11:03
What a fantastic story! I know because I was in the same situation as that woman years ago, and was treated once exactly the same by an understanding patron. He made my day! Keep up the good work!
Diane
March 14th, 2007 - 11:03
Your resonse to my post was very diplomatic! You used your skill once again.
No need to post this.
Akili
March 14th, 2007 - 10:59
Hey guys,
A couple of people were posting religous texts in their comments. While I don’t disagree with the texts placed, I didn’t want this to turn into a religous discussion, so I removed those references from the comments.
Thanks!
March 14th, 2007 - 10:53
Jonathan, you handled that well. More peopole should be willing to put their feelings aside when dealing with a difficult person or situation. If we did, the world would be a better place to live.
March 14th, 2007 - 10:52
I know you want to illustrate your point but let me play your lesson the other way around, the way it should be.
The first time the girl saw you from her place she should have said “be with you in just a minute”.
And if after that she would have left you there waiting for five or ten minutes, you could have taken exactly the same lesson from the experience =)
Ricardo
March 14th, 2007 - 10:50
Great story Jon! I can certainly relate.
“Treat others like you would want to be treated” is a fabulous rule to live by!
Chris
March 14th, 2007 - 10:49
A nice one – thanks for sharing.
Michael
March 14th, 2007 - 10:48
Hey Jon, I love these type of senarios!
Your approach and attitude is so good to adopt in all sorts of situations.
I have a card above my desk that I got from a great speaker here in the UK.
It’s called ’7 Questions to help you S.U.M.O’ (Shut Up, Move On)
1. Where is this issue on a scale of 1 – 10?
2. How important will this be in 6 months time?
3. Is my response appropriate and effective?
4. How can I influence or improve the situation?
5. What can I learn from this?
6. What will I do differently next time?
7. What can I find that’s positive in this situation?
This simple card has improved my business and personal life so much!
Your deli situation is a perfect example and how I try to live my life. It really works.
Peter
March 14th, 2007 - 10:47
Jon, quite an interesting point you make.
If you’d complained you would most definitely have spent more time and you’d have probably not felt much better.
By helping another person feel valued you might have changed all her interactions for the rest of the day – and possibly the night.
Imagine the difference it might have made later that evening if her son or grandson got love and consideration, rather than a tongue lashing because she was still in a mood.
And I agree, we should try to understand our customers – it will help us grow our businesses even faster.
March 14th, 2007 - 10:41
Hey Jonathan,
I agree with your approach completely, partly because I remember what it was like to have worked in customer service in the past. And even more so now that I’ve run my own company for the past 10 years or so.
You can just get so much more accomplished by being calm and kind than you can by being aggressive and combative. It’s counter-intuitive, yes, but it’s true.
I know people who feel they have to battle every single perceived injustice. It’s a tremendous waste of time and energy.
In fact, I know of a couple people in particular who would have gone ballistic in your “Sandwich-Gate” situation. It would have included loudly berating the poor woman behind the counter about how incompetent she was – then getting hold of the manager and doing the same to him/her — then he’d spend several days fuming and firing off letters to the store’s corporate office, filing BBB complaints and on and on…, all for a silly sandwich
Sounds funny, but there are lots of people like that out there. That’s the reason I love working online from home so much…, it’s a great buffer from the “powder kegs” out there.
SR
March 14th, 2007 - 10:39
Hi Jonathan,
I really enjoyed your email this morning. This is something that, living in the Northeast, we contend with very frequently. Attitudes are not always great.
But as someone who was in the customer service industry for many years, I learned a long time ago how to diffuse potentially volatile situations in much the same manner. And I have subsequently made friends all around the world because of it.
Whenever people are faced with a similar situation, you have a choice in how to handle it. Maybe we can’t control WHAT happens to us or how people treat us…but we can certainly control how we REACT to it.
Nice job! Great Article!
Michael
March 14th, 2007 - 10:38
Good thinking Jonathan, Every good teacher will subscribe to the theory of ” Letting go” of having to be right and getting even.
Just basic kindness is always preferred over anger.
I find that most (most) people are good kind people just waiting to return your kindness. We always need to take the inititive to make the first gesture if it’s only a smile..God Bless.It’s a good world and we help make it so or………
March 14th, 2007 - 10:31
You’re right here, Jonathan, you should always place your customers in the first place, and treat them like royals, even when they complain about your business. One lesson that I learnt while dealing with new subscribers, customers, newbies, or any people who need help… a nice polite reply always makes people happy… and makes you also feel better
March 14th, 2007 - 10:29
Steve:
Put in a ticket at AskJonLeger.com with the details provided here and I’ll answer you there.
March 14th, 2007 - 10:27
Thank you Jonathan for your story, lots of good points in everyday living and personal relations.
I could use a little assistance from “your store”.
It is frustrating when you need an answer to find out how to find or fix something, especially when your lost. (This is the first time I have addressed this to you.)
I want to take advantage of your Ad Builder for your 7dollaroffers.com. But I can’t because I don’t know how to set up Paypal, to take it out of “Auto Return” after purchase. I am just learning and I have one affiliation offer running through paypal and its set on Auto Return. I darn near fell of the
“cliff of the learning curve” just to set that one up.
Now I learn from information from you that I need to turn Auto Return off. How do I set it for all my potential affiliations to return to their proper download product pages?
The point is, if I don’t know, I can’t set up your great program, which I was very excited about!
Will I be eating a deli sandwich for lunch today?
Thank you in advance.
Steve
March 14th, 2007 - 10:24
Hi Jonathan,
You really hit it right in the head with this article. I had a customer do an about turn on a completed order, telling me that she was sleepy when she made the decision to go with the order I had delivered already.
I was annoyed initially, because I had to spend double time and money buying stock images and redesigning another cover for her .
I suddenly decided not to let it get to me, The lady did apologise, and i’ve had times when i’ve been too tired to think straight.
After clicking the send button to send the revised design to her, I noticed & read your email ( this article ) and it sure made me feel better for staying polite and understanding with her.
You never know where or how you might cross paths again.
Blessings and Smiles,
Yvonne
March 14th, 2007 - 09:56
But, Jonathan, it gives some of us fierce extroverts great pleasure barking back at dogs!
It Increases the the heart rate and oxygen flow greatly when one realizes to one’s intense chagrin that the snarling, lunging beast is no longer on his leash.
Hey, a little adrenaline rush never hurt nobody… Lol.
March 14th, 2007 - 09:49
It’s easy to be nasty or nice, but the one has no rewards long-term (except self-gratification) and the other makes two or more people feel better.
It’s amazing what a smile and eye-contact can achieve.
Robin
March 14th, 2007 - 09:49
Hello, Re, to the ‘Deli Incident’………
a good story and a good example of OUR OWN REFLECTION.
This incident is one of those opportunities that mirror your own reflection. I am quite ill and disabled due to medical negligence so I very rarely get out – even to church but I can detect the HIGHER thread running through this story……a MORE THAN HUMAN response.
Obviously wether at home – play – or in business we have plenty of testing opportuinities and it is very interesting how we fair in both HOSPITALITY or HOSTILITY…….a nice read – I am glad the writer chose the way that lifts the yoke of oppression off the oppressee ……. Hope that makes sense – many thanks for the invitation to express my comments – regards – alena
March 14th, 2007 - 09:38
Nice story Jon, and a nice approach.
)
The other thing that I think people should do more in their lives, is the simple act of appreciation. Just saying “Thank You” to people shows that you have paid attention to what they might have done for you, even if its a tiny thing. Saying Thank You creates a response and makes people more amenable to you because you acknowledged them. Too many people just take, take, take, without respecting the fact they are in fact owed nothing by other people. Not enough people give something in return. If you are going to take something, at least have the courtesy to say thank you. It’s a small point but it pays dividends in the long run!
Jim
March 14th, 2007 - 09:24
Many thanks Jonathan – the power of your words can overcome most any obstical… so long as you wield them correctly.